By Kathy Wiens
"What do I need right now?"
This question is all about loving, valuing, and caring for ourselves. But how often do we ask ourselves this question? For many women, the question is different: “What do my children need?”,
“What does my partner need? ”, or “What does my job need?”.
These questions are all the same question, “What does my outside world want from me?”
The outside world often tries to make us believe that giving of ourselves may be the only thing that gives women value. Stopping to think about what we need may rarely cross our minds. Or the question may take a sly twist, “What do I need to be a better mom, partner, daughter, employee, etc.?” That’s still focusing on what can we give to the outside world. It’s hard to accept that we are enough just the way we are and we don’t have to give ourselves away to have value.
In discovering my value, I work at giving at least equal attention to what I need, verses what others are asking of me. It’s not too much to ask that we at least be equal with others in getting our needs met. So back to the question, “What do I need?”
“Do I need time to care for my body: go for a walk, take a bath, workout and build up a sweat?”
“Do I need to care for my emotions: meditation, journal, play and have fun, or maybe have a good cry because I’m sad?”
“Do I need to connect with someone: Call a friend, write an email or letter, go out for coffee with someone, call a (safe) family member?”
Be curious and creative in thinking up ideas about what you need.
One way you can take time every day to ask yourself this question is to set a timer on your phone for multiple times a day. When the timer goes off, pause, place your hand on your heart, take a deep breath in and out. Then ask yourself, “What do I need right now?”. Think about this in three different areas: What does my body need? What do I need emotionally? Or do I need a social connection? Be open and curious as you ask these questions. Allow the answer to come from your intuition or inner wisdom as much as possible.
When you do this several times a day, it will get easier to figure out what you need. Repeating this is like practicing any skill you want to improve on. The more you do it, the easier it will become.
Remember, you are a valuable and important person. Caring for your own needs will help instill this belief in your heart and mind.